Anyone who knows me, knows that I
grew up a die hard hair band freak. I had posters of all these guys on my wall.
I had a stack of Metal Edge magazine about five feet tall. I had the ripped
jeans and t-shirts, the mullet, the whole damn shebang. My "80s Hard
Rock" folder of mp3s contains over 4000 songs by about 50 different
artists, so if you don't think I know what I'm talking about, go fuck yourself.
Anyway, enough rambling. Without further ado...The top 20 Hair bands of All
Time.
I'm going to start off by listing
a band that isn't in my Top 20, Guns N Roses. Now, before you get all butthurt
and start calling bullshit on this list, there is a reason GNR is getting
special mention. First off, even though the 1986 release of Appetite For Destruction set the entire world on fire, GNR
really were the beginning of the end of Hair Bands. Sure, they came out at the
height of Hair Metal, were from L.A. ,
but they were NOT the same as everything else happening at the time. I'm sure
GNR will pop up in many other lists here in the future.
20. Dokken - had a few cool tunes
and some amazing musicians, but ultimately never could get over some really bad
videos (watch "Breaking The Chains" or "In My Dreams"), and
couldn't stop fighting with each other long enough to become a lot bigger than
they were.
19. White Lion - I would have
ranked these Long Island rockers higher if
they had NOT recorded "When The Children Cry." They had so much more
promise. The song still bugs me to this day. Mike Tramp sounds like he is about
to cry. If want to know what White Lion REALLY sounded like, check out Big Game.
18. Winger - Poor, poor Winger. If
not for Beavis & Butthead, Winger would not have become the butt of all
jokes when it came to Hair Bands. It's sad really, because they were possibly
the BEST collection of musicians of the entire genre. Kip Winger had played for
Alice Cooper, Reb
Beach
17. LA Guns - Sunset Strip gutter
trash. Guitarist Tracii Guns helped form GNR, and then couldn't even
manage to stay in his own band either. They had some great tunes, and were a
little bit dangerous. I was never a huge fan until WAY after the era had
ended.
16. Ratt - Some of you
will throw a fit and say that Ratt should be ranked higher on this list, but
it's not your fucking blog, now is it? I liked Ratt more back in the day, but
now Stephen Pearcy's voice really irritates me. They always seemed like a band
that should have laid off the Coke a bit and release a GREAT album. They had a
few great songs, but no great albums. Reach For The Sky is their masterpiece, in my
not so humble opinion.
15. Extreme - Get past "More
Than Words" and "Hole-Hearted", and these Boston boys were VERY different than all of
their peers. Imagine VH meets PFunk or James Brown. If you have never done so,
listen to their breakthrough album Pornograffitti non stop, from beginning to end.
It, like the follow up III
Sides To Every Story, is a concept album that should be experienced in its
entirety.
14. Mr. Big - Like Extreme, not
really known outside of "To Be With You." If you think that is what
they were all about, you owe it to yourself to check them out further.
"Green-Tinted Sixties Mind" is a great, great Pop song. Even after
spending most of the 90s only playing in Japan (where they are MEGA stars),
they continue to release quality albums.
13. Firehouse - came in at the end
of the era, releasing their debut album Firehouse in 1990. The first 3 albums
spawned hit after hit, and kept them relevant when most of the rest of the
bands were starting to fall apart. I firmly believe that if these guys had
released their debut in say, 1987, they would have been up there with the Big 4
in popularity.
12. Slaughter - They were my
favorite band from when they debuted in 1990 with Stick It To Ya until about
1995. I can't think of too many other bands whose first two albums were
so good. 1992's The Wild Life took
them to the next step, integrating a bit of a tougher, darker sound, and
exposed us to the fact that they were HUGE fans of Queen and The Beatles. They
lost their heart & sould when guitarist Tim Kelly died in 1998.
11. Skid Row - Sebastian Bach may
have had the best scream of the 80s. He probably had the best hair too. They
got heavier with each album, showing us that they were much more than "I
Remember You." Hell, "18 And Life" was a pretty dark fucking
song and video. It was pretty funny seeing the girls who loved "I Remember
You" run screaming in fear when they first hear the opening track on
1992's Slave To The Grind,
"Monkey Business." Skid Row kicked ass, plain and simple!
10. Cinderella - These Pennsylvania guys were
discovered by Jon Bon Jovi. The album cover to their 1986 debut, Night Songs, was a REALLY bad
idea, even for a Hair Band. Maybe that is why their 1988 follow up, Long Cold Winter, is plain
white with the band's logo. After the "by the books" debut of Night Songs, the band revealed
its true self on Long Cold
Winter. The bluesy, sometimes country vibes of the band's songs really set
themselves apart from the rest of their Hair Band brethren.
9. Tesla – More of a 70s Classic Rock band than a Hair band,
Tesla is one of the few bands that still sounds relevant today, aside maybe,
from Jeff Keith’s vocals. These guys got
better with each album. You could start with their debut, Mechanical Resonance, but I would suggest skipping ahead to 1989’s The Great Radio Controversy and Psychotic Supper from 1991. There were
so many great fucking songs on these two albums; they are still hard to beat
over 20 years later. Check out “The Way It Is”, Love Song”, Call It What You
Want”, and “What You Give.”
8. Warrant – Lead singer Jani Lane was one of the most gifted Pop
songwriters of the late 80s and 90s. Warrant was often reviled as one of the
bands that killed the Hair band era. Much like Firehouse, these guys came onto
the scene a little too late to have had a bigger impact than they did. “Heaven”
was pretty much the second best Power Ballad of the era. I still remember
watching the video thinking, “I need to get some white leather pants!” The band
changed their sound starting with 1992’s Dog
Eat Dog to try and remain relevant, but to no avail. Warrant will always be
Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich and
Cherry Pie, but Jani did go on to
write really great songs after that. RIP Jani, I hope one day you will be
revered as you deserve.
7. Van Halen – An age old question come when speaking of VH,
“DLR, or Hagar?” Me personally, I could NEVER get into VH as much when they had
DLR and his “game show host” personality. In 1986, VH released 5150, and I was hooked. The next 3 VH
albums, OU812, For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, and Balance, were all eagerly awaited by myself and millions of others.
This 4 album run all went to #1, a feat they never achieved with the game show
host as frontman. Dave sucks, Sammy rules, if you don’t like it, tough shit.
6. Aerosmith – I wasn’t going to include the Bad Boys of Boston
on this list because they had started so far back into the 70s. After
discussing this with one of my closest friends and one of the few people who
can actually win a music debate with me, I decided to include them, but ONL for
their 80s/90s output. The Aerosmith boys got sober, and released Permanent Vacation in 1987. Talk about a
comeback! For the next decade, they ruled MTV & radio. I dig old Aerosmith,
but come on, it pales in comparison to Permanent
Vacation, Pump, Get A Grip, and, Nine
Lives.
5. Whitesnake - David Coverdale had been around the block a
few times already by the time the worldwide smash hit Whitesnake was released in 1987. It was one of the first 5 albums I
ever owned (along with one each from the next four bands), and remember when I first
heard the guitar slide at the beginning of “Still Of The Night” and David’s
wailing vocal, I was done! David revived the Snake several years back, and holy
shit, if they were a brand new band, I would be proclaiming them as the saviors
of Rock N Roll. Oh yeah, you can’t talk about Whitesnake without mentioning
something very specific, Tawny Kitaen and the hood of a Jaguar. Jaw, meet
floor!
4. Motley Crue – the baddest mother fuckers in the 80s.
NOBODY could touch the Crue! The first time I hear “Smokin’ In The Boys Room”,
I decided right then and there, I wanted to be ROCKSTAR. Sadly, Motley was
always their own worst enemy. They really never released a GREAT album until
1989’s Dr. Feelgood. Now before you
have an aneurism, they had some great songs, but never a great ALBUM until
then. Of course it could have had something to do with sobering up and letting
Bob Rock produce the album. The first four albums had 10 great songs combined. Dr. Feelgood is 10 great songs by
itself!
3. Poison – They were my favorite band from the moment I
heard them in 1986 until I heard Slaughter in 1990. They had probably the
biggest power ballad ever with “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn.” The cover of Look What The Cat Dragged In was THE
defining look of the Big Hair era. They looked wild, partied hard, and had an
over the top live show rivaled only by a select few. Honestly, they haven’t
released anything ‘fresh” in a long time, preferring to stick to what they
know, which is party anthems and lighter wavers. They still successfully (VERY
successfully) tour every summer.
2. Bon Jovi – Hailing from New Jersey , these boys have arguably become one of the greatest
American Rock bands of all time. Jon, Richie, and the boys have achieved things
that few bands can claim. Over 100 millions albums sold, multi platinum albums
in 3 different decades, and most importantly, they continue to earn NEW fans.
Oh yeah, they are also one of the few bands that can still play (and SELL OUT)
stadiums. If you haven’t listened to
anything since 1988’s New Jersey
1. Def Leppard – Probably the second biggest artist of the
entire 80s, next to Michael Jackson. With 1983’s Pyromania and 1986’s Hysteria,
Def Leppard did what few artists did, release consecutive Diamond (10 million) selling
albums. They changed their sound a bit throughout the 90s, and returned to form
with 1999’s Euphoria, which if you
haven’t ever listened to, you fucking should! If they had released an album
between Hysteria and Adrenalize, it would have been Euphoria. Def Leppard has gone on to
become my 2nd favorite band of all time, and a band that is still
going strong to this day.
I would love to hear your questions, comments, and complaints.
I hope you enjoyed! If you didn’t, I really don’t give a shit about that
either! Thanks, for reading!
